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If you are reading this, I am actually already in the US. But since  we wanted things to be a bit of a surprise for people, Susan and I aren’t telling anyone at this time. Thus, I can’t just post this up for everyone to see just yet. I’ll set it for a release at a point after we arrive in the US.

Originally we had intended to stay in China until August. Three factors were at play. 1, We didn’t have a visa for Susan, 2, I had a contract with EF that would end in July, and 3,  we of course want to visit America as soon as possible.   At this point, #1 is hopefully about to be solved. Today Susan has gone to the Consulate to submit all documents that will be required at the interview, which is tomorrow. We feel almost certain that we will get the, but at the same time, what if? There is a terrible clash of hope and fear going through my mind right now, and actually the fear is mainly due to the one of the other factors. . . .

Assuming that we get the visa for Susan, we must decide if it is more important to leave EF early (thus breaking my contract) to be with family and see the USA or stay. Keep in mind that I have never taken a sick day as I feel that I should fulfill all obligations and not slack off.  Pretty much it boils down to a fairly continuous but lowgrade dissatisfaction with the way things are going in my particular school. My manager is ok but not great and it is probable that many people have quit or perhaps would like to quit if they could. I am not sure how much of this is his fault or how much of it is due to the demands that his manager places on him. Our manager spends a lot of time in all sorts of meetings and as such doesn’t seem to have a lot of time to improve his style of interaction with some of us. So I can’t say I enjoy working in my school.  I like to teach and show people how to do things, but I’m not super excited about grammar and language myself so  I think I’m teaching the wrong thing for me. Since I don’t like English as a subject, and I don’t really like the working conditions I don’t have any loyalty to my contract. (Some of these are just the way English centers work and my changed situation has made “nothings” into big issues for me. For example, I work nights 5 days a week and as a result feel that this has cut into my prefered family time.)

Financially, tickets are cheaper now rather than in August, and it is just not worth  waiting around anyway. What really kick started this thing though was when another teacher anounced he was leaving. He said “why stay around and deal with all of this.” This got me thinking as as such Susan and I have decided to leave much earlier. Basically first plane out of here.

Which is why I feel the fear. Since I’ve really admitted to myself that I’m not happy, and I’m in a hurry to leave, I put in my 30 day’s notice. I made up a reasonable, beleivable story about how family emergencies need me in the USA, but we are waiting to see if my brother can help out, depending on whether or not he gets a job or not, which depends on budget decisions which will be announced in the future. . . . The story is actually made up nearly entirely of truths, but the timing and relations of all the truths have been stretched.  I wanted a story that made it look like I was being forced to leave by factors outside my control, not that I no longer cared about the contract. My concern is that I wanted a way to rescind my letter of resignation if the visa did not come through, but if the boss man realized that I was liable to leave at any time we could, then he might just go ahead and force us out if we tried to stay longer.

So my fear is that if we don’t get the visa, I’ll have to stay in China for who knows how long doing who knows what! But maybe I’ll just quit anyway, travel around CHina for the summer, then try to settle in some small armpit school in Western China for the winter months and try the Visa again. . . .

Now the interesting thing is that my Mom is here while Susan and I are busy preparing everything. We want to surprise her so we are trying to hide or disguise the preparations (which is why I can’t actually publish this now.) Our plan is to just show up at her house. We hope this will make her day. At this point, only a couple of people know the real story that is going on, and a few more know that something is going on, but they don’t know they why of it (such as my boss.)


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